


The One That Never Was

by mldrgrl



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-16 00:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16943598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mldrgrl/pseuds/mldrgrl
Summary: Set during season 7, Mulder can tell Scully's hiding something from him and he wants to find out what it is.





	The One That Never Was

Mulder has been happier in the past few weeks than he can ever remember being.  Not since he was a kid, since before his sister was taken, before his parents started fighting on a regular basis, before the idyll he believed he grew up in was disillusioned forever, had he ever been so happy.  He’s tried to keep his exuberance to a minimum, but most of the time he’s just bursting with joy and he unable hide his delighted smile each morning he greets his partner. She’s warned him a few times, rather half-heartedly if he does say so himself, to tone it down or he’ll give them away before they’re ready to face the world as a couple, and he tries to put a lid on it while they’re at work, he really does, but it’s hard.

 

He’d expected that in opposition to his pure glee, Scully might amp up her usual stoicism, but she’s actually softened a bit.  She doesn’t chastise him nearly as much as she normally would when he makes off color jokes or tries to be funny. She actually looks at him with amusement.  Her eye rolling is minimal.

 

This week though, something is off.  She’s expressionless most of the time, doesn’t smile or groan.  She’s been quieter. Granted, they’ve spent most of the week in the field, he doing interviews, Scully conducting autopsies, but after hours, when they wasted the taxpayer’s dollar on two motel rooms, she claimed exhaustion all three nights and curled up into a little ball and fell asleep as though he wasn’t there.  And despite this new and blossoming relationship they’re forming, the handful of times he’s asked if everything is alright, she tells him she’s fine, which has always been Scully-speak for ‘not fine, but leave me alone.’ 

 

He waits until the case is over and they’re back at home to force the issue.  He’s been feeling a mixture of concern, annoyance, and hurt feelings by her resistance to talk to him.  He doesn’t expect miracles by any means, that overnight a switch would be flicked and with sex would come easy communication, but he had hoped that she would be willing to share her feelings a little more.

 

“Will I be calling Wong’s or House of Hunan?” he asks, as they prepare to close up the office for the evening.  

 

“Oh,” she says, pausing as she zips up her laptop inside her carrier.  “Um.”

 

“Or not.”  He loosens the knot in his tie and kicks his chair under his desk.  

 

“I just hadn’t thought about it.  I’m not actually that hungry.”

 

Mulder frowns and feels the pull of his brows forming a divot in his forehead.  The food is beside the point. It’s code for ‘your place or mine?’ Wong’s is up the street from his apartment, House of Hunan is on the way to hers.

 

“You skipped lunch,” he points out.

 

“Did I?”

 

“Is everything alri-”

 

“House of Hunan,” she interrupts, slinging her laptop case over her shoulder.  “If you don’t mind picking it up, I can call it in on the way home.”

 

“I don’t mind.”  He shakes his head and stares at her intently, but she isn’t looking at him, she’s looking everywhere but him as she collects her things to head out.

 

He walks her to the elevator as usual, with his hand placed gently at the small of her back, sneaking glances at her all the while, but she doesn’t turn towards him.  In the parking garage, he sees her to her car and she meets his eyes for the first time as he holds the door open for her and she slips inside.

 

“Drive safe,” he murmurs.

 

“I will.”

 

She pulls the door closed and he follows behind the taillights to his own car as she slowly drives away.  The drive will take under an hour, even with the stop to pick up the food, but he takes his time to give her a bit of space and to figure out how he’s going to confront her about her uncharacteristic demeanor this week.

 

She’s had time to change into jeans and a sweater, and he’s glad she’s gotten comfortable.  There’s a bottle of wine on the table too when he lets himself in and he takes that as a good sign.  He sets the bag of take-out down before he shucks his jacket and unlaces his shoes to put them by the door.  He took his tie off in the car and already unbuttoned the top button of his dress shirt. He’s rolling up his shirtsleeves when she passes by on her way to the table and he stops her with a bump to the hip.

 

“Hey,” he says.

 

She gives him a brief smile and a pat on the chest before she lifts on tiptoes and quickly kisses him on the mouth.  He leans down to chase her lips, but she ducks away and rifles through the bag of takeout.

 

“Smells good,” he says.

 

“It’s the pineapple chicken.”

 

“I was talking about you, actually.”  He sidles up behind her and drapes himself over her back, slipping his hands up under her sweater.  She tilts her head a little and he nips at her neck as he squeezes her breasts softly. When he looks down he can see the outline of his knuckles through her thin sweater.

 

“Thought you were hungry,” she says.

 

He nuzzles her neck.  “Mmhm.”

 

“The chicken will get cold.”

 

He relaxes his hands and let’s them slide down her ribs to her hips, but he doesn’t let go of her, just changes his hold.  “What’s wrong?” he whispers into her hair.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Scully.  Talk to me.”

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

“Promise?”

 

She sighs and rests her hands against his arms.  “Can’t you let it go?”

 

“Have you ever known me to let anything go?”

 

She turns suddenly in his arms, startling him, and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him down into a kiss.  He’s lost in it almost immediately, even though he knows she’s deflecting and he should stop. She feels so good though, her body pressed tight to his, legs shifting against his thighs.

 

Before he knows it, she’s got his belt undone and she’s pulling handfuls of his shirt towards her as she backs into the table.  She wiggles up onto the flat surface and draws him in with her legs hooked over his hips. She lays back and he follows, but not completely.  He stops short above her, breaks their kiss and braces his hand by her head to look down at her.

 

“Let it go,” she whispers, blue eyes glistening brightly.

 

“I can’t do that, Scully.  Not now.”

 

She grows limp under him and looks away.  When she blinks a tear rolls down her cheek she quickly reaches up to brush it away.  She swallows once and then turns her head again to look up at him.

 

“If the in vitro had worked, I would be due right around now,” she says.

 

It feels like his heart drops out of his chest and his stomach twists into knots.  He straightens, finding it hard to breathe as he’s crouched over. Scully lowers her legs from his hips and stares at the ceiling.

 

“That’s not nothing,” he says.  “It’s definitely something.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Doesn’t...of course it...Scully...”

 

She bites her bottom lip and lowers her eyes.  He pulls her up and into his arms and holds her as tight as he can.  He can feel her heart thumping swiftly against his chest or maybe it’s his, or they’re the same.  Her fingers are curled against his shoulders like she’s trying to get a grip on him, but can’t. 

 

“Don’t dwell on it,” she says, but her voice is pinched and strained and he knows she’s not trying to convince him, she’s trying to convince herself.

 

“I’ll find a way.  If it’s what you want, Scully, I’ll find a way.”

 

There is a heavy silence that follows, one in which the sound of their harsh breathing is amplified and seems to grow louder and louder in Mulder’s ears.  He buries his face in Scully’s hair.

 

“What about what you want?” she whispers.

 

“Mostly I just want world peace and to make you happy.  And I’m not being glib, that’s really all I want.”

 

“I believe you.”  She sighs against him and tilts her head up so her face rests against his neck.  “I don’t know if it’s a baby that I want, Mulder, it’s the reminder of what they took from me that really does it.”

 

“I wish I could-”

 

“I know.  I know you do.”

 

Mulder bites his lip and tries not to cry.  He hadn’t felt the loss of what they never had until this moment and he doesn’t know how she bore it nine months ago.  She had to be even stronger than he ever realized.

 

“I’m not giving up on a miracle though,” she says.  “I can’t. I won’t.”

 

He waits until the knot in his throat is swallowed down to answer.  “Then maybe there’s hope.”

 

The End


End file.
